I had a therapist for a couple of years who practiced with me something called "Parts Work." It is deeply rooted in Jungian psychology, and at its essence draws upon the fact that we have many different parts inside of us and all deserve an equal voice. What tends to happen in fragmented psyches is…
Recovery
Rescue You
Rescue you, and take you in your arms. Rescue you, you want your tender charms. Because you’re lonely and you’re blue, you need you, and your love, too Come on, rescue you. See what I did there? Oh what a different world it would be. I challenge you to take every love song you hear…
One Hundred Forms of Fear
When you're a child, all sorts of things may scare you: the dark, spiders, witches, whatever monster is lurking under the bed. As you grow though, and most of those acute fears lessen or vanish, a different brand appears, and it usually more subtle, an underlying sense of dread or insecurity. When I was trudging…
When AA is Not Enough
I started going to meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous on a regular basis when I was eighteen. I was not all that ready or eager to admit that I was an alcoholic and needed help, but I knew that I belonged in those rooms. I heard the message, I identified with others, and I saw people…
I’d Rather Be Soft
Think of all the ways we are taught that being tough is better than being "weak." We learn to defend ourselves physically and emotionally, that hard bodies are healthier, that objects last longer when they are built tough and sturdy. We are told to try harder, move faster, never give up. Many of us are…
Waking Up
Real recovery is often likened to waking up, choosing to face reality without compulsively smoothing edges and running from what is uncomfortable, inconvenient, and frightening. Whether one is getting sober, confronting sex addiction, or quitting chewing gum at all hours of the day, stopping addictive behaviors, both highly destructive ones and the relatively benign, forces…
The Problem Isn’t Alcohol
The rooms of AA are filled with love addicts (including myself). They are also filled with sex addicts, food addicts, compulsive gamblers, hyper chain-smokers, spenders and debters, and exercise freaks. (Also including myself, at various times, minus the gambling). I was in a meeting last night that falls into the category of Friday night meeting…
Keep Coming, Keep Going
Keep coming back. It's a well-known saying in the rooms of twelve step programs, and next to one day at a time might be the most commonly uttered one. At first, it sounds trite, annoying, maybe even condescending. But when you really think about what it means, it is deeply profound and hopeful. It speaks…
Boredom or Suffering
Take your pick. Which one would you rather feel? It has been said that humans must often choose between one or the other as a general rule of their human experience. One might consider the two to be synonymous; after all, extreme boredom can be a sort of suffering, and the experience of profound pain…
Grow Up
I've had a new moment of clarity, folks. That real recovery might be about growing up into a mature, balanced, healthy adult. I don't mean looking like an adult, with a suit and briefcase and big fancy job, or a brood of kids and busy appointment book. But one who is able to live moderately,…
A Full Life 