The Madness of Being Good

I'm having anxiety today. Some guilt. Waves of old feelings. And what whey all boil down to is this sense that I'm not doing it right. Whatever it is. Life? My day? My choices for the the next few months? It can get crazy in these heads of ours. Sometimes the more I meditate, the…

Alcoholism Pt. 4: Relapse, “Recovery,” Relapse.

Relapse is often a part of recovery. It doesn't have to be, but it often is. And it's not always a bad thing - sometimes it is necessary if one is to have quality sobriety. What's frightening is that some people don't make it back from a relapse. They die. I was lucky. I had…

Alcoholism Pt. 5: An Awakening

It took about 11 days to go through all of the prescriptions I stole from my mom, and she had plenty. Leftovers from surgeries and sicknesses - she never bothered to take more than a couple. Vicodin and Percocet and Ativan and codeine cough syrup. Delish. When those were gone, I was back with the…

Alcoholism Pt. 3: Moving Down South

It was like summer camp in a lot of ways. There I was, living in a house just minutes from the beach, surrounded by a bunch of young people who felt charged with a frenetic energy that can only come from rehab. Rehab can be a lot of fun. It really can. You sit aroundĀ garagesĀ and…

Alcoholism Pt. 1: In the beginning…

When I turned fourteen, I started smoking a lot of pot. I loved getting high. It was like entering a new world where everything sounded better and smelled better and felt better. And food tasted so good. If I had a bag of weed on me, it was like security. It was a gateway to…