A Full Life
writings
about
Month: February 2015
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I sat in a meeting tonight and felt completely slimed by another woman’s share. It was so pregnant with noxious trauma and so saturated in delusion and resentment and suffering that every word that spewed out of her mouth felt like a noose around my neck. I had to clutch my throat and shut my…
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It was like summer camp in a lot of ways. There I was, living in a house just minutes from the beach, surrounded by a bunch of young people who felt charged with a frenetic energy that can only come from rehab. Rehab can be a lot of fun. It really can. You sit around garages and…
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I’m 18. I’ve dropped out of college. I’m on Zoloft. I’m gaining weight. I’m stuffed to the brim with toxic shame and suffering. I don’t yet know how to express anything or to ask for help, and I don’t yet know how to accept that I am an alcoholic. Not a place I’d ever want…
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When I turned fourteen, I started smoking a lot of pot. I loved getting high. It was like entering a new world where everything sounded better and smelled better and felt better. And food tasted so good. If I had a bag of weed on me, it was like security. It was a gateway to…
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Teaching is what I do for a living. It puts food on table and pays the rent. There have been moments where I have loved it. It was what I thought I always wanted to do. But like so many of us, the job begins to drain us of our inner source rather than fill…
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Perhaps perception plays its most deceitful and nasty and fascinating and sometimes wonderful tricks when it comes to how we view our bodies and the bodies of others. Especially when you are a woman coming of age in the western world anytime in the past two centuries. The overriding perception is often this: there is something…
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Perception is an interesting thing. In general, it is defined as our way of seeing or understanding something. It can also be defined as our way of interpreting something. Even further, it can be narrowed down to a specific sort of intuition or insight. In recovery we talk about perception very much being a choice…
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Ah, the work place. Is there a better environment in which to stir up all of your deepest triggers and fears and childhood wounds and place them on the table to finally have a reckoning? It has been for me. I teach at an independent K-8 school in Los Angeles. It’s sort of a progressive…
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I believe in miracles. Where you from? You sexy thang. That’s right, I’m talking to you. Who? Me? Yes, you. You. (Me.) I’m that sexy thang I’ve been searching for all along. And I believe in miracles. I also love men. Handsome, strong, funny, sultry, scrumptious, manly men. And yet: they can’t fix me and…
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Online shopping, you can be a real sexy bitch. J Brand jeans, Alexander Wang tees, Ray-ban shades, funky gladiator sandals. I could spend five hundred bucks in five minutes with just the click of a button. They shipped fast and shipped for free. And a better self would arrive at my doorstep! Sweet Baby Girl,…
A Full Life 