You might not believe this, but I used to take myself very seriously. If you had suffered the way I had, well, then you would not be laughing at my tears. (Or drinking them, like Jessica Valenti.) I mean, my mom told me I was bad at soccer! My dad was too busy working to hug…
Tag: spirituality
The Thinker
"The less I think, the more I love." -My friend I have come to trust, despite dubious moments, that there is no solution in rough and tough self-talk and obsessive thinking. You know. The thinking that warns and threatens. That runs the black and white tapes of rigidity and scarcity. The bad girl tales. Those are beyond…
Above All, Compassion
There's this old Peter Gabriel song that really cracks me open, not only for its beauty and power but because it reminds me of a time in my life that was particularly dark and stormy. I remember listening to it on repeat in my old Honda Accord, driving home on Sunset still drunk on whiskey and coming…
The Inside of Loneliness
I have come to find that the feeling of feelings is the first step in surrender and moving toward growth and change, from whatever it is we need to surrender to, grow toward, and change from. Spilled tears, gasping sobs, clutched knees and calls to friends are part of the deal. Moments of self-pity, complaint,…
The Core
Well. I think I made it. I think I finally got to the center of what causes this whole stinking mess of addiction and self-destruction. I think I can now finally see and feel what it is that has driven me for so many years to harm myself and sometimes others. Read on... I work…
Recommended Books
I probably read more books than is necessary on recovery from addiction and codependency, but they have been unbelievably helpful in my process, and I continue to go back to many them regularly. Some woke me up to new insights and practices, while others were comforting in difficult times. Here is an exhaustive list, in…
Travel and Fear
I leave in less than 48 hours for Bangkok, and I have been crying a lot. I've experienced physical pain, turmoil, and anxiety. Yes, part of it is because I have recently fallen in love and will be saying goodbye to him for at least a month and probably longer. But I believe the even…
The Deepest Sobriety
There are these moments that come every so often where I fall on my knees in a sort of tender, tearful reverence to the fact that I am sober and free from the hell of alcoholism. Sometimes it comes from reading a novel that recaptures haunting tales of destructive boozing and the interminable suffering that…
A Full Life 