My friend is suffering. His head and heart are boiling with that sticky dread of self-hatred and hopelessness. He feels he is broken beyond repair. He thinks there is something deeply wrong with him. He's trying everything, as a sober alcoholic, to not feel. He doesn't believe me when I say I have been there,…
Tag: love
Travel and Fear
I leave in less than 48 hours for Bangkok, and I have been crying a lot. I've experienced physical pain, turmoil, and anxiety. Yes, part of it is because I have recently fallen in love and will be saying goodbye to him for at least a month and probably longer. But I believe the even…
The Deepest Sobriety
There are these moments that come every so often where I fall on my knees in a sort of tender, tearful reverence to the fact that I am sober and free from the hell of alcoholism. Sometimes it comes from reading a novel that recaptures haunting tales of destructive boozing and the interminable suffering that…
Lovers
I come to see, in the gasp between our love making, when there’s nothing there, when the emptiness is so full I forget to like my pain - that mean fathers produce truth tellers, lovers who gaze lost, seeking, us deep in the earth, with eyes hopeful like a child’s eyes, wet and glistening, arriving…
Layers
the anger is thick, deep, it is like a crust, molded and beginning to stink, for so long it has festered, I’ve tended to it like a garden, conjuring thorns, weeds, a swarm of insects, I have seemed to like it– but it’s the emergence of grief that breaks through, the tenderness that cuts it,…
A Letter of Thanks, to a Pioneer of a Woman!
I wrote the following email to the creator of the blog, The Fuck It Diet, which I stumbled upon by accident a couple of years ago and consider one of the bravest and most honest forums on women and food. Like so many of us, Caroline went through years of dieting and body-obsession, sometimes in…
Continue reading ➞ A Letter of Thanks, to a Pioneer of a Woman!
The Wonder of Perception
Perception is an interesting thing. In general, it is defined as our way of seeing or understanding something. It can also be defined as our way of interpreting something. Even further, it can be narrowed down to a specific sort of intuition or insight. In recovery we talk about perception very much being a choice…
Lookin’ Good
Online shopping, you can be a real sexy bitch. J Brand jeans, Alexander Wang tees, Ray-ban shades, funky gladiator sandals. I could spend five hundred bucks in five minutes with just the click of a button. They shipped fast and shipped for free. And a better self would arrive at my doorstep! Sweet Baby Girl,…
Becoming Women
NOTE: I wrote this entry over two years ago. I think there are some valid parts to it, so I decided to copy and paste it into my blog, but it feels tinged with anger, self-pity, and the voice of a girl still very much struggling with food issues and loving her body. Still, I…
A Full Life 