Travel and Fear

I leave in less than 48 hours for Bangkok, and I have been crying a lot. I've experienced physical pain, turmoil, and anxiety. Yes, part of it is because I have recently fallen in love and will be saying goodbye to him for at least a month and probably longer. But I believe the even…

The Deepest Sobriety

There are these moments that come every so often where I fall on my knees in a sort of tender, tearful reverence to the fact that I am sober and free from the hell of alcoholism. Sometimes it comes from reading a novel that recaptures haunting tales of destructive boozing and the interminable suffering that…

In Google We Trust

Just Google it. We all do it. And boy does it deliver. But I can get out of hand with it. You know, search for the meaning of life and the holy grail and the proof that I am worthy with a few clicks of the keyboard. It's possible that due to growing up in…

Lovers

I come to see, in the gasp between our love making, when there’s nothing there, when the emptiness is so full I forget to like my pain - that mean fathers produce truth tellers, lovers who gaze lost, seeking, us deep in the earth, with eyes hopeful like a child’s eyes, wet and glistening, arriving…

Layers

the anger is thick, deep, it is like a crust, molded and beginning to stink, for so long it has festered, I’ve tended to it like a garden, conjuring thorns, weeds, a swarm of insects, I have seemed to like it– but it’s the emergence of grief that breaks through, the tenderness that cuts it,…

If These Comments Could Talk

Each trimester when grades are due, teachers across the country (or at least across the westside of Los Angeles) wither under the writing of ten to twelve sentence paragraphs that must capture the academic achievement, behavior, effort, growth, and 'areas for future improvement' of their students. Some of us write only fifty, some a grueling hundred,…

Eating Food Like a Person

I can't tell you how exhilarating it is to eat food, all food, however much or little I need, and get the fuck on with my life. Sounds simple, but it has been one of the most difficult processes I have ever gone through. It has taken years to undo the insane thinking that comes…