The Loneliness of Aloneness/The Taboo of Needing/ (The Irony of this Post)

Summer 2017 For the past week I've been playing on repeat Lorde's fantastic sophomore album Melodrama, and though I'm not exactly twenty years old and not exactly a famous singer/songwriter and not exactly partying in clubs any longer to tend to broken-hearted wounds, I know to the bones what she has written and recorded and…

Cool Shoes

Sometimes all it takes is a pair of shoes to shift everything. In fifth grade, my supremely cool step-mom took me to see Clueless and then proceeded to whirlwind me around Westside Pavilion on a shopping spree to mimic the far out fashion of the film. We're talking plaid skirts and knee high socks, patent leather…

Zoloft in High School

somewhere in 2003, a girl   I am seventeen years old, and I am depressed, and I think it's a cliche. I want so much to be good, but I cannot outrun, outdrink, outfuck this fear, and this fear is making me bad. I can barely get out of bed in the morning. Warning: May…

The Joys of Online Dating!

If you're a woman and you've had the luxury of online dating over the past few years, then you've likely seen your share of profiles and the fascinating words, phrases, and images men use to sell themselves. While scrolling and swiping, I often find myself saying one of three things out loud: douche, no, and are…

Miracle

If you have ever had an eating disorder, then you know. You understand what it feels like to be consumed with thoughts of food and weight at every moment. You know the calorie count of every single item at the store, and if you don't, you could probably venture a guess. You know the fear…

Lovers

I come to see, in the gasp between our love making, when there’s nothing there, when the emptiness is so full I forget to like my pain - that mean fathers produce truth tellers, lovers who gaze lost, seeking, us deep in the earth, with eyes hopeful like a child’s eyes, wet and glistening, arriving…

Mystery Woman

There is a woman. And she's flawless. She's tall and sleek and tanned and blonde. Or maybe brunette. Long full hair and skin like honey. She wears makeup, but she doesn't need it. She's even prettier without it. Not a blemish on her. Slight shoulders and long lithe arms. Skinny skinny. Skinny skinny. Her beauty is…